As soon as I could write, I started putting my feelings on paper. At first, I wrote simply to release the demons that had haunted me my whole life. Later, I wrote to share my own experiences with those, like myself, who may not have grown up in "Brady Bunch" perfect homes. Now I continue to punch a keyboard for both reasons above but, also, because it has become as much a part of my life as eating and sleeping. This is my life ... or some facsimile. Enjoy!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Hello weekend ... goodbye sobriety?
Another weekend is upon us and I gotta say, they're all starting to look alike. With my husband's business being incredibly slow, the weekends, pretty much, mirror the weekdays. We're both home, alone, not doing much but waiting for word about both girls and getting on each other's nerves. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we had something else to keep our minds occupied (blogging and poker only go so far) and we knew something definate. But, definate is a word that ACS has never known. What I really think is we need a vacation. To get away from the all too, all crazy, all consuming familiar and just take off. And, if we didn't have the dog, didn't have these problems with the girls hanging over our heads and, if we had a little more cash, maybe we would. But, maybe's don't count. So, here we are ... here I am. I'll be really honest, everyday it gets harder and harder to stay clean. I know, for damn sure, if I didn't have to leave the house to score, I'd be taking tylenol #4's or percocets again. As it is, I found a couple of 5 mg. valium (left over from withdrawal) that have helped but just leave me craving something stronger. Thank God, my husband is stronger than I am and won't let me fall off the wagon. I really don't know where I'd be without that chubby son-of-a-gun. Here's to not finding out for a really, really, really long time. Anywho, I've never been much of the religious type so it's not like I'm going to hand all this over to God and admit I'm powerless over anything, but somewhere, deep down inside, I know it'll get better ... it has to. Till then, I'll just take it one step at a time, one day after another, one weekend till the next
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