I got the nothing on T.V. blues...

Alright, I'll admit it, I was breastfed on television, suckled on the likes of MASH, All in the Family, Mary Tyler Moore, Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley. Too much of my youth was wasted on variety shows such as, Sonny and Cher, The Carol Burnett Show, and, though I'm ashamed to admit it, even Donny and Marie. Yet, if there is one thing that can be said about watching all that as a kid, it's that it gives you a great eye, as an adult, for instantly picking out the crap they call television today. I am so sick of reality t.v. and every Tom, Dick and Schmuck's 15 minutes, I want to scream. I don't care who survives "Survivor" or who wins the amazing race or, for that matter, what level f (for failed before started) celebrity can sing the best, dance the best, or lose the most weight. And, please, please, someone tell "Bobby" and "Whitney" if I wanted to see a couple that fucked up parade around in front of me, I'd just attend more family dinners where attended is mandatory and everyone is forced to watch. Even, "Lost", which I have recently started to get into, teases us with a couple of new episodes than reverts back to repeats, hoping the hanger-ons will do just that and hang on. But, the biggest violator of our trust and the ones that inflict punishment, where there is only devotion, has got to be HBO. Two years in between new episodes of "The Sopranos" ... that's insane. I even thought about organizing a boycott, but what for ... if everyone is dying to see it end in the only three possible ways it can, than a boycott is for naught. Besides, I have a mad crush on Tony Soprano and must see for myself if 1) he will truly be put out of his misery and his life by his faithful little nephew, Christopher or 2)he'll turn states evidence and enter witness protection or 3) he'll take his millions of canoles (hidden all over the world) and take his family and him off to see the world (which might still have to do with number one, if someone finds him they will take him out). One thing's for certain, nobody dies in their own bed and nobody retires from that line of work. And then there's Deadwood. I don't know about anyone else, but I love this show and I would give my left ring finger to write like David Milch. Genius, if you ask me and no, it's not because he's found a true home to one of my favorite curses, "cock-*&*&*&". Listening to his characters speak is almost musical. There's not one wasted syllable not one unnecessary double negative. Someday, when I grow up, I want to be David Milch or Frank Miller or Brian Michael Bendis (the last two will only be familiar to nerds and comic afficianados, such as my husband and I). Well, I guess everyone should have aspirations and I don't think they'd mind giving up their identities. But, back to television. I have never seen a time with less original thoughts or ideas. Mark my words (and remember I told you first) when we start seeing "The Matrix ... the series" on UPN, or "Brokeback Mountain" taking place 40 years later when the two cowboys are now "queer" friends who share the same E. Village apartment (think the Odd Couple with two homosexuals). Or, finally, one hour dramas based on the communist witch hunt of the 50's (and the honest, hard-working people who fought back) . A real-time drama that takes place on death row and deals with two hardened criminals, senteneced to death, and the effiminate writer who, tries, in his own way, to help them out. And, last but never least, the hottest thing in makeover shows ... "So you wanna be a Geisha". On this show, three woman are dressed like Geisha, wrap their feet to the point of crippling themselves, and taught a very old tea ceremony. The winner, to be determined by just how much money a man is willing to put out to spend time with one of them, will be the deciding factor. I'm not kidding ... I worry for our youth. If there's nothing good on t.v. now, than where will all the movie ideas come from 20 years from now. Think about it .... "The Apprentice ...Lost on Survivor Island ... The movie. Scary ... just scary.